The F Word

I wanted to use the ‘F ‘ word every time I saw a particular person at my former dance studio. I disliked everything about this female – she was judgmental, gossipy, and downright disrespectful to anyone outside of her circle. I often imagined myself telling her off in front of a large, cheering crowd several times a week. I actually rehearsed my remarks in the car while driving home some evenings, waiting to passionately deploy my spiel the next time she pissed me off!

Then one evening, SHE WENT THERE. She pissed me off that much! I was ready to unleash, but suddenly, grace swooped in and a voice that felt familiar asked, “Do you want to go there?” I did not.

So what did I do in order to refrain from going crazy and gain much-needed peace?
I turned to another F word: Forgiveness.

FORGIVENESS IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT, especially when you feel annoyed, angry, disrespected or betrayed. It felt unfair to forgive when I didn’t do anything wrong, but I realized that
it takes time to get to a place of forgiveness AND there are many layers to true forgiveness.
My road to forgiveness was not easy, but I got there. Here’s my abridged version of how it went down:

First, I felt angry. I had to silence the confident woman inside while this person got to be mean. I vented and fumed for months until I left the studio for good.

Second, I cried. I cried for the little girl in me that felt bullied and mistreated. I also cried because I contributed to the situation when I let her stuff annoy me to my core.

It took a total of two years to get the bad juju out my mind, body, and conscience. Once I felt ready, I sat on my sofa, took a breath, and said,


Whew. It was out. Holding onto the past wasn’t worth my time. I was missing out on being fully present with the people in my life who truly mattered. I finally felt relief. I felt FREE.

Forgiveness is certainly freeing, but it is a process. It’s also totally doable. Forgiveness is a key ingredient to honing your recipe on Getting Clear, Getting Powerful and Going Strong. Here’s my ask:

If there is someone you could say “I forgive you” to, who would you forgive?

If you feel up to it, could you say to him/her/them, “I forgive you.”

This is tough, so start small. You could forgive the driver who cut you off, forgive that customer for holding up the checkout line, or forgive yourself for saying something mean to your partner. The person you forgive doesn’t have to be present (often, that’s when forgiveness feels most powerful).

So, try using the F word. There’s absolutely no word quite like it.

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